TOW #9: "Local Teen Quits Club That Would’ve Been Tiebreaker In Admission To Dream School"

     An article published by The Onion September 22 of this year, "Local Teen Quits Club That Would’ve Been Tiebreaker In Admission To Dream School", the satirical news source mocks the college admission process high school students applying to college much go through. Nationally renowned for their wit and biting parodies of more serious issues, the article reveals how students are expected to have overwhelmingly busy schedules or else they will not be able to get into the school of their choice. The pressures modern day high school students feel are displayed in a bitterly humorous way, appealing to young adults who have or are going through the process, as well as informing older readers of the impossible standards todays student have to work for. The article employs mock seriousness saying, “local student Matt Reynolds, 17, reportedly decided this week to quit a club that would have set his application apart from others and secured his admission to his dream college”, while including an outrageous hyperbole worded as an understatement. The irony only grows throughout the piece, asserting later that the student’s “note to the club’s faculty advisor saying that he would no longer be attending meetings had, in essence, made the admissions officers’ rejection decision for them”. Such sarcasm emphasizes how ridiculous admissions expectations are, and how kids have to kill themselves with insane schedules to even have a chance at their dream schools. A direct quote for the student, Matt Reynolds, is included saying, “I guess I’d rather spend some time hanging out with my friends before I head off to [an undesirable second-choice] college” once again employing satire to show how high school youths have no time to have a healthy social life. It is sad how students lose the last few years of their childhood between school, homework, and a plethora of extracurricular needed to get in to good colleges. This article points out the negative impact it has on the lives of young people, as well as how ridiculous the standards are. The Onion was truly able to capture the flaws in the college application system.